You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
