Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
