UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
