I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
