I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
