Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
