I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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