I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
