Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
