What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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