ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
