Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Randomize
