Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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