Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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