sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
