It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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