He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
