Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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