Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
