I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
