I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
