i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I want her autograph on my taint
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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