i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
