There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
