you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
