i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
