and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm too high and old for this...
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
its liver damage thursday
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
