Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
