I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
