Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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