Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You made out with two different species that night
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
