saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i wish my penis had a tongue
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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