Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Randomize
