Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
