his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
