All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
