Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
