my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
