Sponge bath it is.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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