and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
