It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
