Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
