Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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