I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
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