TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
