I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
