Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
