i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
