My liver just broke up with me...
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
