Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
We're facebook friends in real life
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
