What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
