If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
