dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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