hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
