True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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